For Valentine’s Day this year, how about giving yourself some self-care that’s truly life-changing? Bubble baths and mani-pedis are delicious treats, and you absolutely deserve them. But they’re temporary.

I’m proposing that you take care of yourself in ways that can transform your life, things you just might have been overlooking. Or avoiding.

I believe that the best self-care you can give yourself is to be kind and generous. With yourself.

Here are five kind and generous things you can give yourself that can have a significant and lasting impact:

1. Be generous with saying no.
When saying yes will drain you or spread you too thin, grab your courage and say no. And if you’re not sure, ask for a day (or a week or a year) before you answer. Then get really present with yourself so you can feel what you are feeling about it and listen to that. Your body knows and will tell you.

2. Speak to yourself kindly.
Beating yourself up does not motivate you to lose weight, organize your desk or clean your closets. If it did, you’d already be at your ideal weight and your desk and closets would be pristine. Too many of us mistakenly believe that our motivation depends on being mean to ourselves. It actually depletes our precious life force. Harsh self-criticism can become a thing of the past with some awareness and practice. Kindness rules!

3. Be truthful about your relationships.
If something isn’t working, or if it’s over, admit it to yourself. Then have the difficult conversation. A relationship that isn’t working for you is draining and gnaws at your self-esteem.

4. Be generous and kind to your body.
Nourish it with the things that give you vitality and joy. Avoid what you know is harmful. Move regularly in ways that feel good to you. Gyms don’t do it for you? Try walking or running outside or go to a dance or yoga class. Movement is one of the best ways I know to keep our moods and energy up. Experiment until you find what delights you. Then put it in your calendar. I became a regular exerciser when my weekly yoga and Pilates classes went into my appointment calendar into infinity.

5. Generously honor your desires and interests.
A creative hobby, time with friends, a class on something that sparks your interest. All are great ways to reduce your stress and anxiety. And that will increase your energy, which will save you time in the long run.

If you’re thinking that any of this is selfish or narcissistic, think again. Being mean to yourself, overextending yourself, or stuffing down feelings robs us of vitality, joy, and creativity. Protecting those is not selfish.

And if you need help, get help. A coach (like me) can provide the support you need until you can do it on your own. Think of us like training wheels until you’re ready to ride all by yourself.

So, Happy Valentine’s Day! This year, celebrate and nurture the one you’re always with! YOU!