Sarah was furious with herself. She took a deposition last week, and when she reviewed the transcript, she thought that a few of her questions were poorly expressed. As we talked, it became clear that overall, she’d done a good job with the deposition, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the few places her words weren’t crystal clear. Her self-criticism lodged deep, and she couldn’t shake it.

I get it.

Almost twenty years ago, I was in grad school studying Somatic Psychotherapy and taking a course in neuroscience. I missed one question on the final exam and got an A- instead of an A. I’d earned straight A’s in five other courses that semester, and I’d answered the rest of the neuroscience questions perfectly. But all I could think about for months was that one wrong answer. I still remember it!

Why do our minds do this?

Why does a single remark from a friend, a tiny misstep at work, or one missed opportunity linger in our memory—louder, longer, and more powerfully than all the things we do right, even beautifully?

The answer lies in the brain’s negativity bias. Once upon a time, that bias kept our ancestors alive by paying close attention to potential threats. Remembering to avoid dangerous animals and terrain was crucial to survival, so the brain prioritized those memories over more pleasant or neutral ones. In today’s world, we rarely encounter physical threats, but our brains remain calibrated to protect us, and the negativity bias is still trying to help. Depositions and neuroscience exams pose no actual danger to us, but we can still get caught in loops of self-criticism, shame, and rumination.

The good news? We’re not stuck there. The human brain is plastic, and it can be retrained and changed.

Here are five simple, yet powerful ways to bring our focus back to better balance.

1. Name It to Tame It

When you notice that inner storm—replaying what went wrong or obsessing over one awkward moment—pause. Name it. Tell yourself, “That’s the negativity bias talking.” This awareness can take some of the sting out of that critical inner voice. Awareness is the first step in stopping the spiral and gives us some distance from the voice that’s dragging us down.

2. Savor the Good

Positive moments are fleeting unless we let them land. When something kind is said, when something goes well, when you receive a compliment, take at least 20 seconds to savor it.  Allow the positive feelings to settle into your body. Begin to train yourself to recognize, receive, and enjoy positive experiences, no matter how small. That’s one way we can begin to shift the brain’s default pattern from threatened to trusting.

3. Balance the Story

When your mind fixates on the one thing you could have done better, ask: What else is true? Did you also show up prepared? Speak clearly? Stay composed? Take a wider, more balanced view and let the whole story unfold—not just the worst part.

4. Limit the Loop

If you’re caught in a negative thought loop, bring yourself back to the present moment. You can do this with your senses. Try naming five things you can see around you. Find four things around you that you can touch and touch them. Listen for three sounds you can hear, notice two things you can smell, and one taste in your mouth. Putting your attention on your physical body and your environment grounds you in your body and interrupts the brain’s unpleasant pattern of mental rehashing.

5. Keep a “Three Good Things” Journal

Before bed, jot down three things that went well that day—and why. Not perfection. Just something that lifted you. A kind word, a moment of calm, a task completed. Doing this practice regularly helps retrain your attention to include what’s whole and good in your life, not just what’s lacking.

One Last Thought

Our negativity bias isn’t a flaw. It’s our brain’s evolutionary programming trying to protect us. But the world has changed since that protection was so crucial and isn’t the same as the truth, no matter how compelling in can sometimes feel. We can learn to guide our attention back to the present, acknowledging our strengths and victories, and giving ourselves credit for what’s good and solid and already working well in our lives.

The shift isn’t loud or dramatic. It’s gentle. Subtle. Yet powerful.

And it begins when you remember: There’s more to the story than what went wrong.