Valentine’s Day is all about outward gestures — flowers, candy, cards.

If you’re partnered, you might feel anxious. Will they remember? Will they do something meaningful? Do I even want this relationship?

If you’re single, a different set of questions might arise. Will I ever find love? Am I worthy of it?

Whether we’re single or partnered, there’s a beautiful inner gift available to us. It doesn’t require another person, doesn’t cost anything, and it’s calorie-free. Best of all, it can help with the anxiety or sadness that might be coming up, now or any time.

It’s the practice of turning your attention inward, specifically toward the sensations occurring inside you. This is not attention on your thoughts about your relationship, your lack of one, and certainly not your self-judgments.

How We Know What We Feel

Emotions like sadness or anger begin in the body — a racing heart, butterflies in the belly, tightness in the throat. The brain interprets those sensations and we conclude we’re lonely or furious or ashamed.

Then we try to do something about it. We might push the sadness down or fire off an angry text. But neither suppression nor impulsive reaction brings real relief.

What if, for just a few minutes, we didn’t interpret?

Dropping the Story

Most of us were trained to manage emotions by explaining them: Why do I feel this way?
What does this mean? How do I fix it?

But what if we let go of those questions? Instead of thinking about why you’re disappointed, just notice the heaviness in your chest. Instead of defending your anger, you feel the heat and tension in your jaw. Instead of judging your loneliness, you sense the hollow ache behind your sternum.

This is presence in its purest form–it’s soft and gentle. It’s attention as an act of love.

From the Outside in To the Inside Out

Many women have spent decades observing themselves from the outside. We monitor how we appear, how we perform, how we’re perceived. Our culture trains us to do this. But over time, we can lose touch with the life force pulsing inside us.

What if we shifted the lens from Why di I feel this way? to What sensations am I feeling?

When we sit quietly and notice the pulse in our hands, the rise and fall of breath, or the heaviness of our hearts, we begin to reclaim ourselves.

When we drop the urge to fix or interpret, we find our natural presence — steady, alive, and whole. Emotions will often quiet with just the simple act of attention.

The Most Radical Kind of Self-Love

Self-love is often marketed as something to do. Buy this cream. Read this book. Go to that workshop. Improve yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with caring for yourself in those ways. But there’s another form of love.

• When anxiety rises, instead of criticizing yourself for being “too sensitive,” place a hand on your ribcage and track the fluttering there.
• When sadness appears, resist the urge to distract. Stay with the heaviness. Notice if it shifts, softens, moves.
• When joy comes, let it spread through your chest, your throat, your face.

Allow your inner sensations to rise and fall without expectation or judgment. That’s love without conditions.

A Gift from You to You

If you want to give yourself something truly loving this year, try this:

• Set a timer for three minutes and close your eyes.
• Notice one sensation in your body — your racing heart, your breath moving, the lump in your throat.
• Track it. Does it warm? Cool? Pulse? Soften? Move?
• When thoughts arise — and they will — gently return to the sensation.

You’re not trying to get rid of anything or even trying to relax. You’re simply saying, through your attention, I am here with you.

This Valentine’s Day, the most powerful love offering may not be chocolate or roses. It might be three quiet minutes of undivided presence inside your own skin.

“Stop the world, I want to get off!” Anita told me last week. She’s a long-time client and I hadn’t seen her for a while. She looked drained.

She’s a litigator and has been working nonstop for months on a major class action suit with a huge amount of money at stake. After years of hard work, yearning to have more responsibility in her firm, she’s achieved her goal. She’s also fulfilled several other dreams: she’s an equity partner. chairs a large community non-profit and is on her firm’s management committee.

But it’s come at a steep price. Long hours at the office. Extensive travel while living in hotels. A social life that’s sometimes almost non-existent.  

“What are your options?” I asked.

“I could quit and find a less intense position, but I’ve worked too hard to get here. I guess I’ll have to tough it out.” She sounded miserable,

“Any other options besides toughing it out?” I asked.

“I can’t think of any,” she said. “This lawsuit is swallowing up my life. And it’s going to go on for another six months, at least. Then I can take some time off.”

My mind went to a slew of clients who waited for the lawsuit to be over, waited for the vacation, waited for retirement, waited for the kids to go off to college, waited for the one thing that would give them the freedom to finally relax, finally enjoy their lives only to be blindsided by a catastrophe like a major illness or a family emergency.

“I can think of another option,” I told her. “Self-care.”

She protested that she didn’t have time to go to a spa for a massage. I explained that I was talking about a more powerful kind of self-care. Self-care that’s practiced with intention, in small pieces, every day.

Once she got on board with the idea that this was no longer optional, that her body and brain were about to crash, we made a list of simple things she could do starting immediately, even when she was on the road.

Here it is:

• Do Box Breathing, whenever stress is rising: a 4-count inhale, a 4-count hold, a 4-count exhale, a 4-count hold. One to two minutes will calm your nervous system.
• Stretch: Even at your desk you can do neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, and a forward fold to release tension. Follow it with a gentle spiral to each side, leading with your eyes. Stand up and stretch your arms to the sky with your fingers outstretched wide. Exhale. Stretch again before bed, and first thing in the morning. Only a few minutes will work wonders.
• Ditch the Drama: It’s easy to get caught up in a drama sweepstakes with colleagues–who has the biggest nightmare on their hands, who is dealing with the craziest people, who has worked the most hours and is the most tired. While misery may love company, reinforcing it is not a good long-term strategy for well-being.
• Take Mini-Breaks. Stay aware of how you are feeling and take a small break when you need it. A two-minute walk outside will remind you that there’s a world beyond your long list of to-dos. Look at the sky, listen for birds, and allow your nervous system to reset. Taking small moments to reset will actually save time in the long run, as you go back to work refreshed and ready to dive back in.
• Name That Feeling: Stress becomes more manageable when it’s named. “This is overwhelm.” I’m feeling lonely.” “I’m so angry about this situation.” Even better, tell it to a coach or therapist.
• Eat Regularly (and well): Fueling your body sustains your energy and focus. All the hype about protein isn’t just hype. Notice how you feel after a nourishing meal of protein and veggies and compare it to how you feel after fast food or pizza. Which one really sustains you?
• Drink Water, with intention: We all know that drinking water is important. Often exhaustion is simply dehydration. Make sure you are actually hydrating yourself throughout the day,  and when you do, pause and savor it. Take a moment to feel the water entering your system and acknowledge yourself for doing something good for your body.
• Start (or End) the Day with a Short Walk: Even if it’s only for ten minutes, a walk outside, preferably in nature, is good for both the body and the soul. If the weather doesn’t permit, walk around your living space, your hotel hallways, or a local mall. A Harvard study found that walking just 21 minutes a day can cut your chances of heart disease by 30%.
• End the Day with Three Good Things: Each evening, jot down three things that went well that day and why. This is a scientifically validated tool that boosts well-being. To make it easy, keep a journal and pen at your bedside, and make it part of your bedtime routine.
• Be Kind to Yourself: This is the master self-care tool. Don’t say mean things to yourself. Even if you don’t get the to-do list accomplished, even if you fall asleep early, even if you goof off for a day. Being mean to yourself does not motivate you and drains you of precious energy. Treat yourself the way you would treat a beloved friend. Remind yourself you are doing you best, because you are!

Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Trite, but true!

Sarah was furious with herself. She took a deposition last week, and when she reviewed the transcript, she thought that a few of her questions were poorly expressed. As we talked, it became clear that overall, she’d done a good job with the deposition, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the few places her words weren’t crystal clear. Her self-criticism lodged deep, and she couldn’t shake it.

I get it.

Almost twenty years ago, I was in grad school studying Somatic Psychotherapy and taking a course in neuroscience. I missed one question on the final exam and got an A- instead of an A. I’d earned straight A’s in five other courses that semester, and I’d answered the rest of the neuroscience questions perfectly. But all I could think about for months was that one wrong answer. I still remember it!

Why do our minds do this?

Why does a single remark from a friend, a tiny misstep at work, or one missed opportunity linger in our memory—louder, longer, and more powerfully than all the things we do right, even beautifully?

The answer lies in the brain’s negativity bias. Once upon a time, that bias kept our ancestors alive by paying close attention to potential threats. Remembering to avoid dangerous animals and terrain was crucial to survival, so the brain prioritized those memories over more pleasant or neutral ones. In today’s world, we rarely encounter physical threats, but our brains remain calibrated to protect us, and the negativity bias is still trying to help. Depositions and neuroscience exams pose no actual danger to us, but we can still get caught in loops of self-criticism, shame, and rumination.

The good news? We’re not stuck there. The human brain is plastic, and it can be retrained and changed.

Here are five simple, yet powerful ways to bring our focus back to better balance.

1. Name It to Tame It

When you notice that inner storm—replaying what went wrong or obsessing over one awkward moment—pause. Name it. Tell yourself, “That’s the negativity bias talking.” This awareness can take some of the sting out of that critical inner voice. Awareness is the first step in stopping the spiral and gives us some distance from the voice that’s dragging us down.

2. Savor the Good

Positive moments are fleeting unless we let them land. When something kind is said, when something goes well, when you receive a compliment, take at least 20 seconds to savor it.  Allow the positive feelings to settle into your body. Begin to train yourself to recognize, receive, and enjoy positive experiences, no matter how small. That’s one way we can begin to shift the brain’s default pattern from threatened to trusting.

3. Balance the Story

When your mind fixates on the one thing you could have done better, ask: What else is true? Did you also show up prepared? Speak clearly? Stay composed? Take a wider, more balanced view and let the whole story unfold—not just the worst part.

4. Limit the Loop

If you’re caught in a negative thought loop, bring yourself back to the present moment. You can do this with your senses. Try naming five things you can see around you. Find four things around you that you can touch and touch them. Listen for three sounds you can hear, notice two things you can smell, and one taste in your mouth. Putting your attention on your physical body and your environment grounds you in your body and interrupts the brain’s unpleasant pattern of mental rehashing.

5. Keep a “Three Good Things” Journal

Before bed, jot down three things that went well that day—and why. Not perfection. Just something that lifted you. A kind word, a moment of calm, a task completed. Doing this practice regularly helps retrain your attention to include what’s whole and good in your life, not just what’s lacking.

One Last Thought

Our negativity bias isn’t a flaw. It’s our brain’s evolutionary programming trying to protect us. But the world has changed since that protection was so crucial and isn’t the same as the truth, no matter how compelling in can sometimes feel. We can learn to guide our attention back to the present, acknowledging our strengths and victories, and giving ourselves credit for what’s good and solid and already working well in our lives.

The shift isn’t loud or dramatic. It’s gentle. Subtle. Yet powerful.

And it begins when you remember: There’s more to the story than what went wrong.

For Valentine’s Day this year, how about giving yourself some self-care that’s truly life-changing? Bubble baths and mani-pedis are delicious treats, and you absolutely deserve them. But they’re temporary.

I’m proposing that you take care of yourself in ways that can transform your life, things you just might have been overlooking. Or avoiding.

I believe that the best self-care you can give yourself is to be kind and generous. With yourself.

Here are five kind and generous things you can give yourself that can have a significant and lasting impact:

1. Be generous with saying no.
When saying yes will drain you or spread you too thin, grab your courage and say no. And if you’re not sure, ask for a day (or a week or a year) before you answer. Then get really present with yourself so you can feel what you are feeling about it and listen to that. Your body knows and will tell you.

2. Speak to yourself kindly.
Beating yourself up does not motivate you to lose weight, organize your desk or clean your closets. If it did, you’d already be at your ideal weight and your desk and closets would be pristine. Too many of us mistakenly believe that our motivation depends on being mean to ourselves. It actually depletes our precious life force. Harsh self-criticism can become a thing of the past with some awareness and practice. Kindness rules!

3. Be truthful about your relationships.
If something isn’t working, or if it’s over, admit it to yourself. Then have the difficult conversation. A relationship that isn’t working for you is draining and gnaws at your self-esteem.

4. Be generous and kind to your body.
Nourish it with the things that give you vitality and joy. Avoid what you know is harmful. Move regularly in ways that feel good to you. Gyms don’t do it for you? Try walking or running outside or go to a dance or yoga class. Movement is one of the best ways I know to keep our moods and energy up. Experiment until you find what delights you. Then put it in your calendar. I became a regular exerciser when my weekly yoga and Pilates classes went into my appointment calendar into infinity.

5. Generously honor your desires and interests.
A creative hobby, time with friends, a class on something that sparks your interest. All are great ways to reduce your stress and anxiety. And that will increase your energy, which will save you time in the long run.

If you’re thinking that any of this is selfish or narcissistic, think again. Being mean to yourself, overextending yourself, or stuffing down feelings robs us of vitality, joy, and creativity. Protecting those is not selfish.

And if you need help, get help. A coach (like me) can provide the support you need until you can do it on your own. Think of us like training wheels until you’re ready to ride all by yourself.

So, Happy Valentine’s Day! This year, celebrate and nurture the one you’re always with! YOU!

In the song Beautiful Boy, John Lennon told us that “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Don’t you know it!

Last September, while I was busy making other plans, I was about to load groceries into my car on a gorgeous, sunny day. I wedged the cart against the bumper to stop it from rolling in the sloped parking lot, threw my purse on the driver’s seat and walked back towards the trunk.

Life was beautiful. It was my birthday, and I had fun plans in the works. As I walked around the cart at my usual brisk pace, I gazed up at the sky, admiring its bright, clear blue. My left foot caught the rear wheel of the cart, and I went down. Hard. The pain was instant and I couldn’t get up. Life changed in an instant.

This was not part of my plan.

Before: a strong, pain-free body. Months of diligent work–Pilates classes, long walks, an anti-inflammatory diet, a positive mindset–had paid off.

After: multiple hairline fractures that left me mostly in bed for the next three months. Now, instead of advanced Pilates classes, I’m in physical therapy, doing exercises that are ridiculously easy but all I can manage. Every time I try to go faster or do more, the result is a setback with more pain.

Lamenting to my friend Aleksandra, I said, “I can’t believe it. I was so strong and now I can barely walk. Ugh, I have to start again.”

Aleksandra is an experienced meditator who attends ten-day silent meditation retreats. She said, “When we are meditating and begin to think, the only instruction is to start again. At retreats, we do that many times. Start again. Start again. Start again.”

Her words were the same as mine, but the energy was vastly different.

Start again. Gentle. Light. Matter of fact. Start again.

My version was laden with I-can’t-believe-that-I-have-to-start-all-over-again-it’s-not-fair energy. Heavy. Frustrated. Clinging to the past. Impatient for the future.

It was a lightbulb moment. I got it. Just start the meditation again. Just start rebuilding your strength again. Just that. Peacefully. Simply. Patiently.

Complaint, distraction, frustration only delays our progress. The only way forward with ease is to start again.

In his song Anthem, Leonard Cohen said it so perfectly:

“The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what has passed away
Or what is yet to be.”

Wherever we are, whatever we seek, whether we’ve lost our place or lost our way, start again. If we’ve experienced a setback, fallen off the wagon, regained the weight, lost the job or lost the lover, the instruction is the same: Start again.

So in this New Year, let us start again, wherever we are, whatever the loss, whatever the goal, whatever we desire. Start again. Simply that and just that. Start again.

Every year, the holidays bring out questions like these: Why won’t my father stop drinking? Why won’t my mother stop criticizing me? Why doesn’t my brother come to family gatherings since he got married? Why is my ex’s family ignoring me?

We question behaviors that have gone on for years, for lifetimes. Why don’t they accept us as we are? Why don’t they want to be with us? Why won’t they talk about it?

Does the why matter? Can we ever truly know what is motivating our loved ones? Sure, we can make assumptions, but we can’t really know. Pondering the why keeps us stuck.

In my own family, my brother grew angrier and angrier as we got older. What was once a warm and friendly relationship became strained, and it was almost too difficult to talk to him, despite my yearnings for a deep connection.  He passed away before we could ever cross whatever divide was between us. Painful? Yes. Personal? I doubt it. Why? I can never know, since he couldn’t talk about it.

The iconic Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving Day painting, with Grandma and Grandpa at the head of a long table, sweetly serving a large turkey to a family where every person is smiling and very obviously happy, sober, and kind, symbolizes what we all want.

The holidays evoke longings for such warm, loving celebrations. We humans are social animals, hard-wired to connect and to care for each other. We tend to stay connected even when the going is not so happy or loving.

Sometimes, we can talk things through within our families. The popular television series, This is Us, is a wonderful example of a family repairing its rifts through betrayals, divorce, and loss. The characters were able to have honest and deep conversations.

But to do that, we must be willing to risk the rebuffs and rejections of those who can’t cross those divides. In short, it doesn’t always work in real life. And sometimes our longings can overshadow reality, making it hard to see the truth of what’s happening.

Here’s the hard truth. Families carry with them unconscious currents that shape, fragment, and disrupt them. It’s rarely personal, even though it may feel that way. In my own family, divorce, desertion, and alcoholism reach back at least several generations. It’s not a stretch to conclude that this impacted both my brother and me.

What can we do instead, to enjoy the holidays, despite the over-drinking, ghosting, and criticisms of our loved ones? What are our options in these situations? We can try to talk it through. But if we’re met with evasion or denials, the only peaceful, loving resolution is to see what is happening with clear eyes and to accept it.

I promise you that a critical parent is harder on themself than on us, that a relative who drinks too much is managing feelings that they can’t cope with, and that the evasive relative who denies their behavior or ghosts us has great fear driving their behavior. And it’s also very likely that they can’t step back and see it or talk about it.

It’s up to us to see the truth and accept it. We must make peace with our reality before we can attempt to make peace with anyone else. Sometimes we can reconnect and sometimes we can’t. Sometimes, people can only show us rather than tell us what’s inside them.

Seeing the truth and accepting it—Mom has been critical of me and everyone else my whole life, Dad drinks too much and has for years, my brother has withdrawn from the family and can’t talk about it, my ex’s family doesn’t respond despite my attempts to connect—is the only way to find peace within.

And isn’t that what we want from the holidays? Peace and warmth and kindness. Let us start with ourselves and go from there, finding it as we can.

Photo Courtesy of Rula Sibai on Unsplash

Election day is almost here. Soon, the ads, postcards and emails will stop. But what comes next, we don’t know, can’t know.

As Tuesday draws closer, many of us are getting more and more anxious. What will happen and what will the consequences be? Again, we just don’t know.

Our beautiful, creative minds, so rich and fertile with imagination, can literally scare ourselves with scenarios that may or may not happen.

While we wait for the results, here are some tips that can help:

1. Take a break from the news. The pollsters don’t know anything more than we do. Neither do the pundits. On Tuesday, the early returns are going to shift up and down and if you follow them, you will toggle between dopamine hits and despair. It’s exhausting. Skip it.

2. Be patient. We may not know the results of the presidential race for several days after the election. The swing state of Pennsylvania, for example, prohibits counting mail-in ballots until Election Day. It won’t be over until it’s over.

3. Breathe deeply and be kind. Emotions are running high. We’ve been told that this is the most consequential election of our lifetimes, and it may well be. That’s a scary thing to contemplate. But understand that when our bodies feel under threat, our inhibitions may go down. It’s easier to bicker with loved ones or to react to others. Slow inhales and even slower exhales will help you reset. Set a timer for one minute and breathe deeply, inhaling to the count of four, exhaling to the count of six. Notice how much calmer you feel.

4. Distract yourself. Go for walks outside, preferably in nature. Play Uno or Bananagrams with friends. Watch television shows that are light but absorbing. “Bridgerton” and “The Good Place” have interesting characters, plot twists, enough silliness to be fun, and engaging enough to distract a worried mind. The Martha Stewart documentary on Netflix is an interesting look at a cultural icon who reinvented herself after a stint in prison.

5. Feel your feelings. All of them. We are entitled to a full orchestra of feelings and we must accept and access them all to be whole. If we push down our anger or anxiety, we also cut off our access to our positive feelings. It’s exhausting! Email me for a free worksheet on how to effectively process your feelings. (terry.demeo@gmail.com)

6. Look for magic and joy. Kids and pets do this naturally. Watch your cat contentedly take a nap in the sun. Really notice your dog’s joy at dinnertime or when you return home. Watch children find the magic in driveway pebbles. Take a walk outside and marvel at the sky, the changing leaves, the light.

7. Stay in the light. No matter what happens, the most important thing we can do is to keep our hearts open and connect with the love inside us. If we shut down or stay angry or despairing, we’re less able to cope with life, support our loved ones, and work for change.

Soon enough, the election will be over. How do you want to feel then? Let’s arrive in the best possible emotional and physical state we possibly can.

Was it just random, I asked her after I fell and injured myself, or was it somehow unconsciously intentional? Did I somehow cause this?

What difference does it make? she asked me.

Oh. The question stopped me. It was hard to grasp.  Well, I said at last, it would give it different meaning.

How so? she asked

Again, I hesitated. Well, if it was unconsciously intentional, it would mean that I’m still attached to the pain and wounds of my past, that I somehow needed this accident to stay attached. That I can’t sustain happiness. If it was random, if it was just an accident . . . I hesitated. Oh, wait, even if it was random, just an accident, my wondering about whether it’s part of an old pattern is itself an attachment to the past.

Oh, she said. Go on.

Since I fell, I told her, I’ve been reviewing a lifetime of trips, falls, sprains, bruises and breaks. It’s been consistent throughout my life. Does that happen to everybody? Does everyone trip and fall and hurt themselves like I do?

One time, after I sprained my ankle, a psychic told me to put glitter and stick-on stars on my feet, so I’d know where they were.  I laughed it off, but I fell this time because I really didn’t know where my feet were, and certainly didn’t know where the grocery cart was. And in an instant, I was once again on the ground. This time hurt badly. Why, I keep asking myself? Why do I forget where my feet are? Why can’t I be present?

Why indeed? she said.

I told her of my love of fairy tales as a child. I’d checked out the entire Andrew Lang Fairy Tales series from the library and hungrily devoured them all. The Blue Fairy Book, followed by Red, Orange, Yellow, Green. Being so deep in stories of fairyland, where there was magic and happy endings, I could escape my mother’s pain. And yet, I once again, years later, I tripped and fell and created my own pain.

I was so happy the day I fell. I was thinking about an upcoming dance class and a party with good friends. But the grocery cart was very much on the ground, right in front of me, the back wheel directly in my path. I didn’t see it. Now I can barely walk.

Am I denying myself happiness? I asked her. Is this how I continue to belong to the past, to my mother, who lived in so much pain. Is this my attachment to her?

What would it mean if it is? she asked me.

It would mean I’m doomed to a lifetime of injuries, I said. I don’t want that. Life isn’t so fraught now. I really don’t need to escape to fairylands anymore. I need to be here with my feet. How can I learn to be present?

That’s a good question, she said. How can you be present?

I wish I knew the answer, I said.

What would it mean if your accident had nothing to do with an attachment to your past, she asked? What if you just fell?

Again, I stopped to think about it. Either way, i come to the same place, I told her. Either way, I wasn’t present when I tripped. I didn’t know where my feet were and where the grocery cart was. Either way, I still need to be present. I need to know where my feet are and what’s around them.  Either way, I get to the same place.  

Yes, she said. And what do you need to be present with your feet and to know what’s around them?

I guess that’s the real question, isn’t it? How can I be present?

Yes, she said. Sometimes finding the right question is the healing, isn’t it?

Suzanne, a New Yorker, absolutely despised her subway commute to and from work. Week after week, she complained bitterly in our coaching sessions about the griminess, the overcrowding, the boorish behavior of the other riders.  It was absolutely intolerable, she told me. I could feel her frustration and disgust coming through the phone.

Her commute took 45 minutes each way.  That’s more than 32 hours every month, a long stretch of misery in a life. She considered moving closer to work, even changing jobs, but both seemed impractical.

I had an idea.  “Begin looking for beauty on the subway,” I suggested.  Suzanne laughed cynically and patiently explained to me—a naive, non-New Yorker—what was patently obvious to anyone with two eyes, a nose, and a brain: the New York subway is a human cesspool during weekday rush hour.  It was impossible to appreciate anything about it, she said, and there was certainly no beauty to be found there.

I insisted. “Send me an email every day, telling me of the glorious, beautiful, amazing things you find on the subway.”  Suzanne left our session muttering that I’d given her an impossible assignment.

But she gamely began looking.  With Suzanne’s permission, here are some of the things she found in the next few days:

We went over the Manhattan Bridge, over the East River. Out in the distance, beyond the Brooklyn Bridge, three blimps were buzzing around each other in the air. They looked like giant honeybees drunk on pollen, bobbing to and fro over the water.

A kid had a little glass jar between his feet. It was strangely shaped, like it had contained an exotic food item purchased at an ethnic market in Brooklyn. It was filled with beautiful, thick, cloudy pink juice. Guava? Papaya-passion fruit?

The woman across the train had enormous boobs and beautiful deep black skin. The whites of her eyes were so bright in comparison to her skin they looked like keyholes of light in the door of a dark room.

This morning, I couldn’t count the people wearing shades on the train! I guess when you’re cool you’ve always got the sun in your face.

A garish McDonald’s ad greets me and encourages me to “Think Good Thoughts.”

“Ikea’s yellow flags wave in the distance on the waterfront. I bought a carpet there on Saturday night, and the water this morning is the exact same color of that carpet, gorgeous peacock blue.”

There is a comfy, casual feeling on the train this morning… many wearing their Casual Friday office attire. One woman looks so comfortable in her outfit I want her to take it off and let me put it on!”

“The faces of buildings and all of the bridges, walls, boats, water, cable lines, roads, signs are layered upon each other like a box of toys thrown around a room during a child’s tantrum.”

“Without anyone speaking, I know I am in the midst of various exotic tongue:; Spanish, Polish, Korean, Russian, Vietnamese, Czech, Yiddish, Mandarin . . . .”

“What a gift to be able to look at humanity up close and personal, to look at all of our differences, beauty, ethnicities, blemishes, scars… where else would I be able to notice the super-fine quality of a stranger’s hair follicles, the way his hair grows out of his head in the same direction, the tone of the skin on his scalp, eight inches from my face on this packed train?”

Within two weeks, the subway had transformed.  Suzanne no longer rides in a cesspool teeming with the worst examples of humanity.  Her last email about the subway ended with these words, “Everywhere I turn, there is opportunity for joy.”

As Marcel Proust wrote, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes.”

How about you?  Is there anything ugly, disgusting, intolerable in your life?  Can find beauty there and see it with new eyes?

Not to make assumptions
To look before I leap
To think before I speak
That I never regret time spent in nature
To be where I am and not where I think I should be
That there is a limit to how many house plants I can accommodate, no matter how beautiful they are
Before buying more earrings, dig through the jewelry box first, because there are some beauties buried down there
To move my body every day, even when I don’t want to, even in winter
that winter isn’t forever
That more than one glass of wine guarantees a headache the next morning
That thirty seconds of deep breathing works better than wine anyway
That sometimes a second glass of wine is worth it
That the bookkeeping of life (bills, taxes, filing) always feels great when it’s caught up
That housekeeping tasks never take as long as I imagine they will
That getting together with friends is always worth the effort
Don’t be too exuberant with salt and spices when cooking–gradual is the way to go
That a clean kitchen every night and a made bed every morning are weirdly satisfying
That flossing my teeth doesn’t take but a minute
To always write down my brilliant ideas because i will forget them, no matter how certain I am that I won’t
To always save my work because sooner or later Word will crash
That beauty can be found literally everywhere if you look for it
That life can change in an instant
That all you need is love and sometimes a little chocolate
To forgive myself for learning these things so slowly