Inner180

Today, while on a group phone call with Martha and some other coaches, I was overcome with desire.  Impulsively, I told Martha that if she ever wants a photographer for any of her events, I’m available.

Later, I when I noticed that I was calm, I realized that this was totally out of character for me. I used to cringe if I stepped out of my habitual reticence to speak up about what I wanted. My usual, safer pattern would be to say nothing at all, which would have brought prompted scolding myself for not speaking up.  Lose-lose, no matter what I did. (And, last time I volunteered to be an event photographer, I freaked out.  I wrote about it here.)

But this is different.  I feel completely free.  Liberated.  Joyful.  I spoke up and it feels fantastic.  No matter what else happens–the outcome is not the important part.

This is desire way beyond yearning for the creative act of photography.  I want to speak up when I’m moved and to ask for something that I really want.  And to have no regrets, no matter how it’s received.

Today, that’s what happened.