Inner180

Some of the comments earlier this week reminded me of a time when my fear seemed both relentless and no longer tolerable.  One night, on Byron Katie’s website, the line, “Who would you be without your story?” leapt of the screen and smacked me right between the eyes.  On the spot,  I registered for her nine-day school, even though I knew virtually nothing about it.

The school began one week later, which was fortunate, because if I’d had longer to think about it, I wouldn’t have gone.  All that week, that question haunted me.  Who would you be without your story? “Nothing,” the voice inside answered.  Who would I be without my story? “Nothing,” was the only answer that came, over and over.  I’ll be nothing.

There would be no me left–just a boring, plain vanilla, hollow shell of a person. With nothing to say.  No desire, no opinion, no humor.  No fun.  Uninteresting.  Empty.  Lifeless.  Nothing.

I told this to a friend and fellow coach a few weeks ago.  Peals of laughter erupted from her.  “Yeah, boring!’ she howled, “you are really plain vanilla and boring.”

But at the time, I could not separate myself from my stressful thoughts.  Without them, there was nothing left.

Sometimes, the idea of living joyfully, content and fully alive, may be scarier than staying where we are, because we fear the loss of something essential to our identity.  And that’s just another part of our story.  Another thought, another untruth.

As we separate from our stressful stories, we become our own observers.  As Eckhart Tolle reminds us, “The only way you can gradually go beyond the conditioned thought process is to simply be there as the witness.”

This week, can you separate a little more, and begin to witness yourself in the process of having your stressful thought?